why twitter is not for me.

I was talking with a friend over the weekend about the joys of Twitter, and it got me wondering for a nanosecond how my life would be enriched if I joined the millions of you who are much more hip and savvy than I. It didn't take me long to decide that Twitter is quite possibly my worst technological nightmare. Here is a brief explanation of why.

From my limited observations and understanding of this phenomenon, truly successful, productive Twittering requires frequent updates on what you're doing throughout the day. But I really don't get online as much as one might assume I do based on the amount of blogs I own and my complete lack of any sort of life, so I'm not sure when I would update. It would have to wait until the kids were in bed, and then you'd get a hundred million Tweets from me between the hours of 9pm and midnight, all of them super insignificant. Then you would all block me for being annoying and then what would be the point?

But assuming I chose to leave my high-maintenance children to their own devices and fully devoted myself to keeping you abreast of my whereabouts and activities throughout the day, what would these updates say? "I'm microwaving my full cup of coffee for the sixth time in an hour." or "I changed another diaper. The blueberries finally made their way through." or "My kids have been in a perpetual timeout today, and I've added a bit of vodka to my orange juice." I just couldn't bear the thought of you all knowing how dull and repetitive my weekdays can be. I'd rather have everyone operate under the false pretense that my life is all glamour and glitz. I mean, isn't that what I'm getting across here? Hello? Anyone?

Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, I already have issues with people knowing exactly where I am at any given time, as in I like my privacy and I'm sort of neurotic about everyone having instant access to me whenever they want (and now you also see why motherhood is a bit of a challenge for me). After realizing that the entire human race migrated from real life to Facebook and now operates solely on that interface I begrudgingly joined. I knew I'd be missing out big time if I didn't get on board, so I slapped that barcode on my forehead and called it a day. And now, every time I write anything on my page or anyone else's EVERYONE can see it. Am I the only one who finds that to be sort of creepy and invasive? It's kind of like the Patriot Act, but with willing participants. Twitter is pretty much the same thing. No... it's exactly the same thing. I'm not going down like that. At least not without some good old fashioned peer pressure.

So... to those of you who aren't completely turned off by my absurd neuroses, and are emotionally balanced enough to actually Twitter, tell me what you like about it. What you don't like about it. If you don't Twitter, why not? And if you can recommend a therapist who can help me work through these immensely important issues I will say to you "Tweet, tweet."

(That's as close as I'll get to Twitter.)


amy said...

cassie - i also do not understand twitter, and though i quickly jumped onto the facebook bandwagon i just as quickly got addicted to it - in a god-nudged decision i gave it up for lent and have decided in about 2 weeks that i would much rather pay close attention to what my current circle of friends is going through, how they are doing etc. than know detailed things about people i haven't seen in 15 years - although i think it is great to catch up and "find" people you haven't seen for years i also think there is something weird about the day to day constant knowing of what everyone you have ever known in your entire life is doing! after lent i plan to visit facebook at most once a week and maybe less!!! and i plan to block at least half of the people i currently have on there just to make it more relevant!!! i signed up for twitter because phil had to for work and i wanted to follow him but i only logged in once and don't like it at all!!!

Stephen McKenna said...

@Cassie I think of Twitter as micro blogging and aggregation. I tweet more than I blog because it's faster, especially since I can do it from my iPhone. Also, unlike Facebook, if I follow you, you don't have to follow me. You can limit the inflow of information to just those people that you find interesting. And unlike blogging, it feels more like a conversation than a novel with commentary.

Balazers said...

Okay, didn't know Twitter was a phenomenon. I just heard of it last week and now, after reading this, its a big deal? I'm so slow. And so not interested in another way of talking on the internet. Between facebook and my blog (which I'm horrible at updating anyway), I'm good.

Becky said...

Ha! I'm not on Twitter either. Facebooking and blogging are all I need. Actually more than I need and surely more than anyone needs of me. I just can't keep up with everything, so I'm opting out.

And honey, we are soul sisters, 'cause I'll microwave the same cup of coffee OVER and over!

Becky said...

Oh and duh, PS: you are the big winner of my tea towels!

Cassie said...

Stephen, you make much sense. If I had an iPhone or Blackberry perhaps I'd be slightly tempted to at least give it a shot.

Becky, hooray! Thanks. =) And it's nice to know that I'm not the only one to reheat my coffee. I hold out hope that one day I'll be able to drink an entire cup before it gets cold.

Jobi Harrell said...

Glad to know there is a community of coffee re-heater's! I am excited not to be alone. We've started calling it 'sink coffee.' This is data perhaps what the world needs: you Twittering each time you re-heated your coffee! No, I suppose not...but one can always dream.

Sgt. Wolverine said...

Stephen hit it right on: it's much more like a conversation, and it's very easily limited. I joined just the other day -- for that I blame Jimmy Fallon -- and I've really enjoyed it as a way to have a different sort of conversation with out-of-town family. I don't have an iPhone, but I have the next-best thing (an iPod Touch), and twitter is great on the iPod.

I'm on facebook as well, but there's just so much going on there that I don't spend too much time sorting through it. I think twitter succeeds in being much more of a communication tool than facebook just because of its simplicity.