9.11.2009

it's 5 am and i'll be going back to bed just as soon as i tell you nothing of importance. things seem much more pressing at this hour.

From the files of Captain Obvious: I haven't posted much lately. It hasn't been for lack of things going on... in fact there have been many times I wanted to sit down and tell you all about my session with a hypnotherapist, or share all the excruciating details of my food poisoning incident, or tell you the heartwarming tale of Iris smacking the shit out of a 3-year-old boy who was picking on her and making him cry. All good stuff. Just... not enough to fill up a post. But get me in the middle of the night, boy, and I'll blog your face off about some seriously inane crap.

So it's ridiculous-thirty in the morning and Ocean woke up about an hour ago and had a moisture situation which needed to be handled and so I dealt with it ever so swiftly only to hear a package of cookies beckoning me into the kitchen. Because they are healthyish cookies, and also because I have the self-control of something that has no self-control, I obliged. And then I realized why Matt's Cookies are a little healthier. The packaging is so obnoxiously loud that everyone knows what you're up to. There is no sneaking a Matt's cookie. There's practically a built-in alarm on the packaging. For a second, I swore I must be up inside the cyclone. It took me longer than it should take any one person to close the package back up after eating just one cookie and I'm pretty sure I heard the neighbor's dog verbally chastising me for being a glutton. At that point I thought I should eat something a little better for me, or at least something that wasn't going to rat me out, so I selected a Brown Cow yogurt. If you've ever had Brown Cow, you know that tongues of humans and angels are powerless to describe it. If you have not had a Brown Cow, you should try it post-haste. (But the frugalista in me must tell you to wait until they go on sale, and try to get your hands on a coupon while you're at it, 'k?) At any rate, I rapidly consumed that little slice of delicious and headed back to my bed when suddenly I had a stomach pain which, over the next five minutes, grew into an ache that can only be described as Oh sweet heavenly beings, please not food poisoning again. So I quickly exited my bed and drank some water and turned on my computer and now I'm feeling much better. Better enough to tell you that...

...we are going to the beach on Saturday for two weeks. (Not so fast, potential home invaders... there will be house guests galore while we're away. Ninja house guests with nunchuck skills.) I made a couple of trips to various grocery stores tonight in order to stock up on some things for the trip and while checking out at Meijer there was a couple behind me in the age range of Old Enough To Know Better and they were making out and possibly having sex too. At least I'm pretty sure that's what was going on; I was afraid to look directly at them for fear I should become impregnated and really, I think I'd take a pass on their DNA. I started to get annoyed but then I remembered my secret weapon: 172 coupons. They could make out all they wanted (or give me dirty looks) while I completed my transaction and I could save over a hundred bucks on what ended up being a $32 out of pocket sale. So basically we were all winners at Meijer tonight.

And on that note, and at the sound of the coffee maker coming on (which means Phil will be awake and chatty in T-minus 20 minutes), I'm going back to bed. Have a good day! Blogs from the beach to come.

10 comments:

Jessica said...

thanks for making me laugh this morning. i have a headache the size of miami from many midnight poops and lots of crying and eating (from the little ones....not me!). I have had many (too many) Matt's cookies and have to agree with you on the built in alarm system. I have, once, eaten an entire bag on my way home and thwarted the alarm altogether....just a thought ;)
Have a great trip and get lots of rest and HAVE FUN!

Amy said...

You are awesome. Hilarious post! Have a great time at the beach! Wish we could get Brown Cow here...

Becky said...

Brown Cow is so delish.

Have fun at the beach! Looking' forward to the posts.

Cassie said...

Jessica, I LOVE that idea. Next time I'm totally doing that.

Thanks for the comments, all. I already have funny stories to share and we're not quite at the beach yet. A car ride with my kids provides much comedic fodder.

Phil said...

You better not touch anyone else's DNA with even a 10 foot poll, unless you have your body suit on of course.

Cassie said...

Phil- I need you to clarify. Is that poll, pole or pull?

Amy said...

Oh, I so hear you about the middle-of-the-night inane blog posts. Happens to me all the time! Loved this post -- reminded me of a great breakfast buffet at some fancy resort: little of this, little of that, don't miss the pickled herring, and suddenly you've got a whole plateful to nosh on.

Bex said...

mmmm..... brown cow.

Jenny said...
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Jenny said...

LOL... I'm sitting here reading your blogs out loud to my parents at the moment because they keep asking me repeatedly what I'm laughing at. Thank you for making my day :) Glad you guys had a wonderful vacation. Love you.