watch out, american idol.

I've discovered that my son is a lyrical genius. He's just started singing these songs that have themes and melodies and rhymes and he completely makes them up. I thought to grab a pen for this one:

I remember when you were brave

I remember when you were smart

I remember when you were nice

I remember when you were heart

I remember your cuddles

I remember your snuggles

I love you when you share

I love you when you care

I remember you and me

I remember our family

I can't even be horrified by the lyrics because that rhyming is phenomenal. I think I asked if the song was about me but I don't think he answered me, or he may have said that I'm a terrible mother and only a shell of the person I used to be. Either way... rhyming!

I grabbed the camera in time to record this gem. 

The lyrics:

to watch another sky

somebody painted the sky yellow

and the sun went down

and they paint the sun green

so it can be night

in the sky

Seriously, you guys, he's only three. It's like preschool poetry. I only wish I could come up with stuff this good.

we teach proper names for both body parts and plants, but there appears to be some confusion here.

Iris was running around nekkid after her bath this evening and suddenly stopped short in the hallway, grabbed her crotch with both hands and shouted gleefully:

"It's my hydrangea!"

so little to do, so much time. it turns out.

My goal: To complete every item on every possible to-do list before Phil's treatment begins.

Sounds daunting, right? Yeah, it looked bad from my end too... until I put it on paper and realized there were exactly three things on it.

1. Get the brakes fixed on my car.
My car is making a horrifying sound and it gets worse when I put the brakes on so I'm guessing that's what's wrong with it. However, I'm not that kind of car expert and I'm a bit out of practice anyway. Making plans to take it in somewhere, and soon.

2. Return a bunch of crap at the mall.
I was able to go to the mall yesterday alone [Hallelujah Chorus] because Phil declared it his Birthday Weekend, which, hey, whoop it up all you want to birthday boy, but then there was the subsequent fallout, which included headaches and exhaustion and looooots of naps and hydrating. And while I'm all for hangovers parenting waits for no one, whether or not tequila is involved and I'd missed my Saturday morning coffee with friends because of it which I'd normally be cool about but then the rain happened and the kids and I were cooped up all day and I'm going to go bloody nuts if I don't get out of this house right. this. second. So I put the three of them down for naps and clocked out for a couple of hours.

So I was able to get to the mall in order to make several returns of busted/ill-fitting garb and, AND cashed in a Victoria's Secret free gift! card and got myself a pair of Victoria's Secret cheekies panties, though in the days of yore we used to call them thongs. And change the name all you want to, but they are still just as uncomfortable. But, hey, free.

While at the mall I stopped in to see my favorite eyebrow threader but she was out of town. With great trepidation I agreed to be waxed instead and suddenly my brow doth feel a wee bit nekkid. Either she took a little too much off or I've been walking a fine line between Brooke Shields and Wookie for sometime and just never noticed. Maybe you be the judge? (Pointing at my eyebrows, not pretending to shoot myself.)

"Audrey! Audrey! Look at me!"

3. Go to the dentist.
I'm going to the dentist tonight. I flossed 365 times last night so I'm pretty sure that means I can say that I floss on average once a day.

i'm inspired.

Okay, so apparently these Mommy Business Cards are the thing to have. I decided to take Becky's idea of a Family Contact Card and tailor it to my children, who are little wandering nomads. I'm going to print these on stickers and stick them to my kids' backs the next time we go to the zoo, the pool or Millpond Park. (I break out in hives just thinking about trying to keep track of my kids there.) Ocean and I have had a few talks about what to do if he gets lost ("FInd another mommy, because all the mommies are friends and we help each other") but the reality is that he'd rather eat peanut butter than talk to someone he doesn't know. (I know, I don't get it either. Peanut butter is delicious.) And Iris... well, she might actually tell you her name if you ask, but she's more likely to yell MOO! and then fly away on her broomstick, cackling wildly as she disappears into the night.

All that to say... here's my solution to losing kids who may just not want to be found:

confession

Five things I shouldn't tell you guys but I can't help it because I'm an over-sharer by nature.

1. I got a steam cleaner today and gave my upstairs carpet the once- or thrice-over. I can't begin to describe the color of the water in the reservoir.

2. I ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's for lunch.

3. It takes a lot to embarrass me, and children never embarrass me... but my kids actually succeeded at the park today. I promptly took them home and put them down for naps. It was 10:07 am.

4. I bought my children plastic spray bottles at Target this afternoon so they could spray the hell out of each other in the yard while I watched from the porch. (It could have ended badly, but we all had a great time.)

5. I'd never heard of a Mommy Business Card until last night. Does anyone have these? Because I've clearly missed this boat, I decided to design my own Mommy Business Card but I had way too much information that I needed to include so I decided to make a Mommy Brochure instead. So here's my rough draft but it's pretty close to being ready:

it's a zoo.

This week we went to the zoo with my friend Danelle and her girls. Danelle is mommy to one of the girls in my dance class. The good one. This one:

(See that look? She's not only horrified at the behavior of the other children, but also at my complete lack of control/discipline/composure. I'm asking her to teach next year.)

Danelle is also an incredible photographer, it turns out. Looky looky!



Ocean insisted upon wearing his rhinoceros shirt in order to impress the rhinoceros. Iris wanted to see pigs and kitties. When we rolled up in there we were met with some rambunctious polar bears and seals which delighted the children, but it turns out Ocean was much more excited about the inanimate objects he saw. Mommy! Look at that stick! Wow! Do you see that berry? A SPOON! You see alllll those wheelchairs?! Ooooooh.... ROCKS!

I only lost track of a child once. Ocean darted away and went missing for probably 8.3 seconds, and that's when I think I peed my pants slightly. It's hard to keep track of two small kids in large crowds. I was exhausted by the end of the morning just from the energy it took to keep tabs on both of them. But it was a good exhaustion, especially because I got to see monkeys. Monkeys!

Here are the four children being so sweet:


Anyway, we had a great time and here's our tribute to the rhinos who, by the way, weren't all that impressed with Ocean's t-shirt. Go figure.