Not to be all Woe Is Me but seriously, this stomach bug has been neverfreakingending. Ocean started puking last Tuesday night and didn't leave the couch for about 48 hours. He wasn't able to stomach any food until Thursday when he ate about a dozen Cheerios and a saltine cracker. Progress! Iris started with a tummy ache on Thursday also but never barfed (yay grape juice and colloidal silver) and neither of them have had much more than toast, saltine crackers and a few juice popsicles since. Oh, I mean besides the Doritos this afternoon. You can ask Phil about that. And then ask me about the subsequent fallout. Or maybe not because it was gross.
In hindsight Doritos were a bad idea.
I'm so, so sad for how rotten they feel. I really am. There's nothing worse than when your precious little babies are feeling badly. But mostly the whining feels like it might drive me to drink. I'm not sure if their incessant fussing is actually a result of illness or just the six straight days of PBS Kids we've watched. (Does too much TV make your kids irritating too? No? Just mine?) Once Ocean was able to lift his head off his pillow I finally turned off the TV and Iris flipped out. I told her that our brains were going to turn into mashed potatoes and she stopped crying long enough to look at me completely wide-eyed before bursting into tears.
Mashed potatoes? Seriously? If you're lying I'm totally calling my Congressman.
And just in case you're wondering how quickly you can blow through two gallons of Clorox bleach and 75 pairs of latex gloves the answer is 48 hours. Say what you will about nasty chemicals and landfills but it was worth it because the rest of us were spared and also right now I don't give a rip about anything but not barfing.
What happened to the good ol' days when a stomach virus only lasted 24 hours? Hem. Haw. Sigh.
Here's a cute baby to make amends for such a disgusting conversation topic.
What's wrong with you people? Quit yer whining and give me milk. Milllllllllk.