little things

Okay, first of all: I just want to update those of you who actually read my blogs. Phil and I are back in Charlotte after a week-long trip to Michigan. Phil's 22 month old nephew passed away unexpectedly last week so we went back to be with family. It's been difficult knowing how to grieve something so confusing and sudden. I'm sure it's never easy, but it's particularly tough for me, as a new mother, to grasp.

In that vein, I've come to be thankful for little things and have eased up on my expectations for myself as a mother. After all, I have a very lovely, very healthy son who loves to give me kisses lately, apparently likes to eat wads of paper, and he woke up this morning. So that in and of itself should be enough to help me overcome my aversion to supplementing his diet with formula or bemoaning the fact that it takes him up to an hour to fall asleep. Suddenly I am no longer sad that Ocean eats more formula than breastmilk. Suddenly the fact that he wants to be held all. day. long. is no longer a burden to me. Suddenly I don't mind being woken up by a cry in the middle of the night... because I'm just thankful to hear him cry.

Experiences in life don't happen to you; they become part of who you are. I hope that this changes me in a good way. I hope I will be a better mother knowing how short life is, and that tomorrow isn't a guarantee.

Okay, I'm off to watch a sleeping baby. Maybe he'll wake up so I can steal some more kisses.

Edited to add: I really have no problem with formula. Obviously, because I use it. My problem was more with the fact that breastfeeding has been such a struggle that I've had to resort to using formula instead of being able to supply all of my baby's nutrition myself. Certainly don't want to offend other formula feeders! Okay, now back to the regularly scheduled blog...